Leya 99 #4 | great window

the first restless night in the city

14 november 1999

I am such a mess. It’s Saturday night and I can’t sleep, so I started my computer to write again. Stan won’t publish this article tomorrow. I am not sure if I will finish this post right away. Tonight I am wondering what I am doing here. I am all alone in this big house. For some reason the other students are at their parents' home and I always had the assumption students lived their lives on the weekends, especially in the city at night, but not this weekend. I am all alone. Now I am writing this, yes I do have the house by myself. So I do have the opportunity to use the living room all alone. What am I going to do there? I can’t take my laptop there, so I am stuck in my small room. Luckily I have a great window and when I open this, I can listen to the students walking or cycling in front of this house after their own wild night in the city. 

image by Verawaty

As a gogo dancer I don’t visit the clubs where many students come. I am not familiar with the Woolloomooloo (aka the Woo), even though it’s very well known here. Or the other pubs at Janskerkhof. I am taking part in the club scene in Utrecht, where it’s all about dance, glitter and colorful creatures. It’s where I feel at home, but when I am at home like right now, the quietness becomes too much. I don’t understand why I don’t feel tired. 

Luckily I brought my study books and literature with me. I may just take the time to keep up with my studies as that is one of the conditions from my father to allow my dancing. As long as I will graduate within the regular period. It’s unclear what will happen if I won’t, but I love dancing too much. I don’t want anything to interfere with that. So let’s study then.

Why did I choose philosophy as my main study? It’s simple, because I love to read and write and I love to explore the meaning of the world and life. I’m always questioning my existence and my mother mentioned philosophy for fun. After doing some research and visiting the university I decided to apply for philosophy. After doing the higher secondary school, I attended the next level to prepare for scientific education. After that I could apply for university. 

I also could have applied for the dance academy, but I didn’t. Dance should be a place to be free. My own fantasy world that should remain. My dancing started with classical ballet first, but I switched to modern and streetdance in my teens with some additional courses like go go dancing. One of the dancers introduced me to dance in clubs and here I am living both lives as a philosophy student and a go go dancer. It’s the best fantasy I am living in.