Leya 99 #7 | a fantasy, my pleasure

my dreams are my own

So yes I’ve found my wigs and have worn the silver one already, together with an insane outfit that fits my image of a fantasy dragonfly. That’s how I call it, it could be the name of a new blog or even a website. What do you think? A portal on the internet taking you into another world, of which you wonder if it’s real. Whether it’s really happening. There are so many ideas going through my mind when I’m at university. Listening and paying attention is not made for me. My thoughts are often wandering into my world of dreams, sometimes sorrows and sometimes a universe of pleasure and fantasy’s. That’s why I need my reading time, to catch up with the lessons I’ve missed during the regular study classes. 

image by Verawaty

So tonight I have read about the basics of philosophy, politics, ethics and psychology. When reading about Aristotle I was taken by his words about the soul, the human spirit and it made me wonder if the soul can be sick too. Like my mother, she has been sick for a while and I’m wondering if it’s just her body and mind, or also her true self, her true soul. Or does the illness release the one they are hiding when they’re in health? To be honest, my mom now is the most pure creature in my existence. She tells us what she’s thinking without any filter. Somehow her boundaries are loosened and she’s showing everything she experiences, even when we don’t want to see, hear or know about it. She doesn’t care, she just lives.

Maybe that’s why I’m living my life with wigs. Escaping the reality she’s showing me. There’s no mask, no show, it’s all raw, pure and scary as hell. Deep inside I don’t want to be confronted with the rawness around me. I want glitter, silver and gold. Right now all I need is a fantasy, my pleasure, my dreams. Isn’t that what we all want? An escape to paradise, no obligations, no pain, only silver and gold. 

I do know it’s not realistic. I do know that philosophy isn’t one of the studies you can start a great career with, but that’s not why I chose this study. I want to create what doesn’t exist yet. Create a new world from what we already know, or take us back to somewhere we have, that always existed. Maybe this world of raw and pain isn’t what it’s supposed to be, maybe it’s what is created to control us. I don’t want to be controlled, never. My mind, my dreams with all the fantasies are my own, and they will never be taken away from me.

Love & kisses,

Leya