Leya 99 #8 | blurry and a shot of restlessness
it will never be quiet when it's nighttime
There’s so much going on right now. Keeping up with my studies, my dancing and taking care of my mom has somehow become a blur in my mind. I do manage to keep everything going, although in my head there’s a continuous panic questioning whether I spend enough attention on everything.
Right now I’m in my room again. After my dance show I decided not to stay for drinks and chat, but I walked to my house instead of taking the bus. Walking in the city at night makes my mind go softer, so maybe this is what it’s supposed to be now.
Tonight I was working on my notes for a few essays I need to write for my studies. Now I’m taking a break with a little bit of champagne and a little cappuccino, an odd combination I know, but it keeps me relaxed and focused at the same time. On the way home I bought some Asian food to eat in case I’m hungry. Somehow I think this is wonderful. The quietness, the darkness, mysterious lights of the city, and whispering noises in the streets. Even though I’m feeling stressed, this is the kind of life I enjoy and I wish I could be here more often.
My room is very small. At my parent’s house I have a bigger room, with a desk, a big closet. It’s so big, I could alway practice my dances in my own bedroom, without disturbing anybody. This will not be possible here, so it could be wise to look for a bigger place to spend my time in the city. I know a lot of people, so I could ask around for a place where I can grow into the sparkle fantasy Leya I have in mind.
While I’m writing this, I have written ‘finding a bigger room’ in my notebook. Wondering what the room should look like to fulfill the image of my fantasies. A wooden floor, large windows, classic, lots of money that’s for sure. A girl can dream, a girl can fantasize and who knows the place I find will surprise me.
So there you go, my mind is going everywhere, blurry and a shot of restlessness will always be part of my existence. It may be quiet around me, but it will never be quiet in my thoughts. My dreams are always dancing, sometimes creating a blurry wilderness, and sometimes a unique fantasy that takes me to new experiences.
Love & kisses,
Leya