After starting doing research about Indonesia and adoption, I’ve been thinking about my own story. Who my parents may be and where I come from. For years I’ve been neglecting this part of my life, because it was too confusing to let the unknown get close to me. Slowly I realize I may not know me, I may know where I come from. The country, the population, the culture.
Right now I work with a lot of young ladies to discover our Indonesian background in many ways. The politics, economics, even business combined with those involved in international child adoption. While studying philosophy I managed to explore many segments of society. Right now I am exploring the society of Indonesia in the 70s. It's cautious research for which I visit the National Archive once in a while and am searching scientific articles that were mainly written in the 70s and 80s.Â
During my research I got curious about the image and judgment of Indonesia at the time by experts like journalists, scientists and establishments like world banks and governmental institutions. My Google search even brought me to the archives of the CIA which really costs me a night of sleep. Luckily I didn’t needed to be anywhere the next morning, so after taking a quick short nap I continued my research and reading again.
I know Sophie expected me to go into the field, but I need to do my research first before I feel convinced to perform any conversation with an expert about Indonesia. To be honest I never thought about my birth country before, when it was on the news I listened carefully, but I never explored it like I’m doing now.
There’s a time for everything and now I’m ready to dive into this country that is part of my heritage, my roots. I wonder while reading whether I will be surprised, negatively or positively, about the country, culture and people. I know I won’t be amused about all the politics and economic findings that will also be part of this journey. Somehow, I’m thinking the political and economic mess of Indonesia got me in this position of an international adoptee in the first place. Even though I love the parents that adopted me, I am carrying a burden of pain and grief in my heart, that will always be part of me. I hope that I will be able to put my findings into my writing, so the burden will not be too much.Â
So I do want to make this positive, see the pink in the chaos of the 70s. Somehow I do want to believe there was also love where the wrong excelled in this decade of corruption and greed.