The Leya Experience #8 | beloved closeness

pain can be silenced but not erased

image by Verawaty

The last few years social media made it possible to connect with your peers of similar interests and experiences. In my case I’ve noticed international adoptee groups on Facebook who connected with each other. I am kind of a silent witness in those groups, witnessing their posts about their thoughts when it came to adoption. 

Living with a mother whose health is declining does silence the whole adoption issue, however it doesn’t silence the pain on some occasions. Don’t get me wrong, I am one of the lucky ones being raised by good parents. When I was sixteen my mother got sick and it changed a lot for me. Everything evolved around her and keeping her spirit and health up, was one of my main goals in life.

Despite her health she was the mother who held my hand when I doubted my studies. She was the mother who applauded my insane outfits for the weekends. She was the mother who was in tears when I shaved my head so she felt less sad about losing her hair during chemo. She was the one laughing when we tried on the colorful wigs.

As much as I do feel respect and love for the parents I’m coming from, searching is not something I can do. Researching however is what I can do, carefully finding out what kind of society and era they were living in before I was born. It’s an interesting way to get closer to my roots. Maybe not physically, but mentally and spiritually I may find a way to get closer to where I come from.

Love and light,

Leya