The Leya Papers #4 | the high of reality

the writing is what happens

image by Verawaty

According to Stan, my third blog is what he needed to make my website a sensation, but I don’t want to live to create a sensation. I live, I write and you read. That’s it. I don’t want to live for my blog, let’s make that clear. What happened at De Jaarbeurs wasn’t calculated or created, I lived in the moment and after that I decided to write about it. Not knowing whether the event was one of my finest moments. 

Although, I did enjoy the party and joining the crowd at the VIP section. In the end all I wanted that day was dancing and I did. Of course, our group was a success and we are asked for more events where those VIP guests are present. I did enjoy it, I just don’t know whether it’s the company to trust.

Maybe it’s my mothers illness that makes me skeptical and careful. The fact that she’s in pain and suffering, makes me relativize the moments of joy and sensation. When I was home, I fell back in reality again, noticing my study books and decided to catch up with my study reading.

As much as I loved experiencing the world of the VIP and famous, I could breathe and relax when I was back in my own home. I even felt somewhat guilty of experiencing the high I had that evening. So I studied. Like a punishment? I don’t know. 

Sometimes I look around and I wish I could share this with her. In a healthy way, decorating this room, having lunch at the restaurant nearby, shopping for new outfits for my next event. Maybe I should check if she’s up for it, we could always try. She’s healing and if that will lift her spirit up, who knows what kind of high we still may experience in the future.

love and kisses,

Leya